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In super metropolises like Shanghai, Beijing, Shenzhen, Guangzhou, the New York Bay Area, and similar cities, there are large numbers of high-caliber single young people. They have countless reasons for being single, but one of the most significant is how difficult it is to encounter members of the opposite sex who match their own level of qualifications. You might come across one or two who fit the bill through your existing social circle, but unfortunately, they often aren’t a good match. Meeting a whole group of truly compatible, high-quality prospects is extremely rare. Finding a partner requires casting a wide net to increase your chances of success. If you could suddenly meet twenty or more high-caliber singles who align well with your standards, getting out of singlehood would likely happen quite naturally.

Back in January, a poster for a 30-million-yuan (3kw) high-end matchmaking event went viral in my WeChat Moments. Some friends who attended shared glowing feedback: the quality was top-notch, the entire experience was enjoyable, they not only met someone who sparked interest but also made connections with many interesting people and formed valuable friendships. The organizers host one event every month. The upcoming dates are: Shanghai on February 1, Beijing on February 8, Shenzhen on March 15, Hangzhou on March 1, Silicon Valley on February 1, and New York on February 23.

Before attending, I was genuinely curious. Romance usually sparks in everyday social interactions—whether it’s attraction at first sight or hoping for a “soft rice” lifestyle, there should be plenty of opportunities in daily life. Everyone who passes the entry screening for these events must have strong credentials. So why do they still struggle to find a partner and end up attending such a matchmaking gathering? Among them, some must have certain “deal-breakers”—flaws that become apparent only upon close interaction, making them unacceptable to others and leading to prolonged singlehood. Whether it’s a difficult personality, subpar appearance, or something else entirely depends on the individual.

After being seated, the staff handed me a form listing basic information about all the male attendees present. Their ages ranged from the 1980s to 1990s birth years, with annual incomes varying widely—generally starting from 1 million yuan and up, with no upper limit.

Although I noticed several male guests arriving in roaring luxury cars when I parked, during conversations everyone remained approachable and down-to-earth. There was none of the old-school, showy behavior—like casually slapping car keys on the table to flaunt wealth. Unless you asked directly, no one bragged about their possessions. The event included many low-key, understated individuals; there’s always someone more impressive out there.

When the women took turns introducing themselves, I was struck by how each one was more beautiful than the last. When the men stepped forward, I thought to myself that they all seemed like serious, accomplished players.

Most of the men I met at the event fell into two main categories when it came to what they were seeking:

One group wanted someone who could provide strong financial support during cash-flow shortages—essentially a naive, sweet girl from a very wealthy family but relatively inexperienced in the world. One boss, who probably has assets worth several hundred million, was very clear: he hoped to find a girl whose family could offer at least 20 million yuan. He strongly disliked relationships with overt material demands. From his observations, he concluded that people whose families have assets exceeding 20 million tend to interact with more ease and relaxation—less aggressive or pressured energy. Personally, though, I believe one’s outward demeanor has more to do with personal mindset and maturity than with family wealth.

The other group sought someone willing to happily play a supportive, behind-the-scenes role—like a high-end, all-around homemaker who receives pocket money and a secondary card each month. Some men mentioned during introductions that they prefer clingy personalities; what they really want is a domestic-oriented partner.

There are also men who maintain an “experience-first” attitude even at these events. For them, it’s simply about finding a comfortable, enjoyable companion for the present—without heavy expectations for long-term commitment or marriage. They prioritize the quality of the current experience over future guarantees.

When it comes to choosing a partner, some hesitate when they meet someone who truly moves them, worrying they might not be the other person’s ideal type. Objectively speaking, there’s no need for such concern: participants in these paid matchmaking events receive guidance from professional coaches. Subjectively, the more rigid and checklist-driven someone is about their future spouse, the less likely they are to fall head over heels for someone who ticks every box perfectly.

In the minds of such people, there are fixed standards—A, B, C, D. If met, they “love”; if not, they don’t. For example, that boss said he could never love someone whose family background was too modest. But standards are usually set for those you don’t love. When the person you truly fall for appears—even if they fail every single one of your criteria—you’ll still tumble helplessly into love. Think of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre-Dame: she believed she could never love a hideous monster, yet she fell for the deformed bell-ringer. Conversely, for someone you don’t love, even if they satisfy A, B, C, and D perfectly, you can always find a fifth, sixth, or seventh reason to reject them.

(One quick aside: someone truly skilled and independent who pursues you only for your money won’t make you feel like an ATM. 🙉)

When asked about their ideal type, most people admitted they don’t have a rigid framework—it’s mostly about the feeling. That’s why matchmaking requires bold experimentation and plenty of exposure. A large enough sample size gives you clearer insight into your own preferences.

The event organizer happens to be one of my readers. He explained that their platform is called “Xiangyu Weiming” (相遇未名), a leading high-end matchmaking and social organization focused on top-tier, highly educated singles in Shanghai, Beijing, Shenzhen, and other key areas. Founded in September 2013 by a Peking University alumnus, the platform has facilitated over 6,000 couples to date, with more than 3,600 having married. They have already held 42 such 3kw (30-million-yuan threshold) events in Shanghai, Beijing, Shenzhen, and New York—making them the undisputed leader in this niche domestically.

This Shanghai event featured an upgraded venue: the Fenyang Garden Hotel, designed by the renowned Hungarian architect László Hudec (邬达克), who was active in Shanghai in the early 20th century. During the Republic of China era, it once served as the former Customs Inspectorate building. With its red-tiled yellow walls, spiral columns, wrought-iron fences, marble fountains… every detail exudes a rich European retro charm, making you feel as though you’ve stepped into Rome. The event runs from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM on February 1, featuring a carefully curated Shanghai-style banquet to foster natural interactions among participants.

If you meet the criteria for this 30-million-yuan matchmaking event, it’s really worth signing up to give it a try.

The entry requirements for the 3kw event are:

For men (satisfy at least one via asset verification):
Personal + parental assets (including real estate) of 30 million yuan+Personal annual income of 2 million yuan+Or both: personal + parental assets of 20 million yuan+ and personal annual income of 1 million yuan+

For women (satisfy at least 3 out of 4):
High attractivenessBorn in 1995 or laterGraduate from 985/211 universities, QS Top 200, or equivalent top art institutionsPersonal + parental assets (including real estate) of 10 million yuan+

They’ve also pioneered a reverse 3kw format—asset verification for women and interviews for men—for capable, successful women and attractive, emotionally valuable younger men. In this “marry-in” or “older woman–younger man” version, men can even qualify for free entry. The next Shanghai reverse 3kw event is March 8 from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM; Beijing on April 19 from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM; and Shenzhen on March 29 from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM.

In traditional views, “marrying in” is often misunderstood as men depending on women. But in the modern reverse version, it emphasizes equality, complementarity, and mutual growth. Men are no longer mere dependents but strong supporters and co-creators in a powerful woman’s career and family life.

To address concerns from some female users (“Does the higher asset requirement for men in regular 3kw events objectify women?”) and from some post-90s, post-95, or even post-00s male users (“Is it shameful in today’s era to trade looks and emotional value for happiness? Why can’t I pursue an attractive, wealthy older sister?”), they boldly flipped the screening standards—setting higher asset or income requirements for women while lowering material demands on men and focusing instead on age, height, appearance, physique, and emotional value.

Reverse 3kw requirements: Women (satisfy at least one):
Personal + family assets (including real estate) of 30 million yuan+Annual income of 1 million yuan+Universally recognized exceptional attractivenessAchieved notable social status or career accomplishments

Men (satisfy at least 3 out of 7 via interview):
Born 1995 or laterHeight 178 cm+High attractivenessExcellent physique with long-term exercise habits or visible fitness results (e.g., defined chest or abs)Ability to consistently provide ample emotional valuePersonal + family assets of 10 million yuan+Graduate from 985/211, QS Top 200, or equivalent top sports/art institutions
Unlike regular events, this one verifies women and interviews men. A fan of mine who attended the inaugural Beijing reverse event said the atmosphere was great—far from what she imagined. More than half the men were handsome younger guys from Beijing’s middle-class and above families; it felt like a reunion of top high schools like Renmin University Affiliated or No. 8 Experimental. The women were both beautiful and confident, and many made good friends.

Registration and inquiries are via scanning the organizer’s QR code (as mentioned in the original context).

If 3kw still doesn’t meet your standards, they also host even higher-tier A9 events: May 24 in Shanghai, July 18 in Shenzhen, and March 22 in Beijing (Sunday evenings). For men: asset verification of 100 million yuan (personal + family) or annual income 5 million+. For women: satisfy A or B, where A is 100 million yuan assets, and B is born 1997 or later, high attractiveness, 985/211/QS200 or equivalent art school, plus 30 million+ assets (at least 3 of 4). Registration via the same QR code.

For those in the US, Canada, Australia, or New Zealand, don’t worry—they now have closed-door high-end 3kw WeChat groups for these regions. Scan to apply for an interview; upon passing, you join the group (same thresholds as Shanghai offline events). Once the group reaches 100 members, they’ll start hosting 3kw closed-door events, with group members getting priority access.

Or, if you’re just short of the 3kw threshold or unavailable on February 1, consider their April 6 event from 5:30 PM to 10:00 PM—a premium 100-person gathering for those with 10 million+ assets. Men: personal + family assets 10 million+ or post-tax annual income 600,000+. Women: satisfy at least 3 of 4—born 1993 or later (exceptional cases relaxed to 1988+), high attractiveness, 985/211/QS500 or equivalent art school, personal + family assets 5 million+. Men verify assets; women interview. Fans who attended previous ones said the quality and quantity of participants were excellent—whether you connect depends on your luck that day.

Finally, I wish everyone—whatever form of relationship they choose—true happiness and joy with their partner.

有些人内核比较弱，主体性较差，很容易被别人牵着鼻子走，一定要学会“跳针法沟通”，抓住本质，不断强调你要表达的核心。


跳针法沟通，就是把自己当成一张坏掉的唱片，无论对方说什么，你都可以坚持并强化你的观点。


曼纽尔·J·史密斯在《强势》这本书中说：“我是一张坏唱片”法，是通过语气平静的重复方式，一而再再而三地说出你心中的想法，来教会你坚持不懈。让你无需预先演练怎样跟人争辩或怎样控制愤怒，就可以“愉快”地应对他人。


练习后的效果就是：你能心安理得地不理会他人带有操控性的话语圈套、有理有据的诱饵以及无关的诡辩，同时坚持你的观点。

01


在《再见爱人》这个综艺中，有过一个经典片段，杨子让黄圣依开了7个小时的车，自己在旁边睡觉，但是在后续复盘中，却一再找各种理由来为自己开解，说是为了成全黄圣依的“奇迹时刻”，并且一再表达自己日常生活中如何爱护黄圣依。


面对种种诡辩，所有人都不好再说些什么，简直是有理说不清。


黄执中建议，面对这种情况，大家可以尝试“跳针法沟通”。就是无论对方说什么，你都只需要回一句话“可是你让我开了7个小时的车”。


跳针法就是一种“温和的坚定”。 它不教你吵架，而是教你如何优雅地、毫不费力地让对方的所有操控技巧撞上一堵透明的墙。


再举个经典的例子，某位表姐在家庭聚会时，被亲戚安排相亲。


亲戚： “你看你都多大了，怎么还不找对象？眼光不要太高了，女人过了三十就不值钱了。”


一般人会说： “我眼光不高，只是没遇到合适的...现在女人都很独立，不能这么说...” 


这就完全陷入了对方关于“价值”的辩论框架。


表姐这样回复的： “谢谢关心，我自己的事心里有数。”


第一轮定调：不争论，不解释。


亲戚不依不饶： “你有什么数？我给你说，我认识一个特别好的小伙子，明天就安排你们见一面！”


一般人会回： “明天我没空...我不喜欢相亲...” 


但这就给了对方安排和说服的切入点。


表姐轻描淡写的回： “您的好意我心领了，见面就不用了。”


第二轮表明核心立场：拒绝被安排。


亲戚有些不满： “你这孩子怎么这么不识好歹呢？我们都是为你好！”


一般人会回： “我怎么不识好歹了？你们根本不懂我！” 


情绪一旦被点燃，就变成了错误方。


表姐的跳针法回应依然平静： “我知道是为我好，但这件事我自己决定。”


第三轮再次回到“我自己决定”这个核心立场。


在整个过程中，她没有解释自己为什么不恋爱，没有争论女性价值，也没有反驳对方“不识好歹”的评价。


她只是像一堵软墙，每次都弹回“谢谢，但我自己处理”这个原点，让对方的所有“关心”和“指责”都无处着力。

02
跳针法并不是滥用，而是可以用在那些有强烈控制欲的人身上，他们油盐不进、频繁叨扰你的生活，并且给你造成了负面的影响。


那什么样的人喜欢“拿捏”别人？有3个特质，大家可以观察一下。


1）擅长转移话题：因为强势，他们喜欢把话题引到自己身上、或者转移到自己擅长的领域、自己真正想要表达的主题上来。


2）用愤怒要挟人：喜欢从气势上让人害怕，知道大多数人都害怕矛盾、冲突和尴尬，所以利用这种心理来胁迫对方屈服。


3）喜欢打压反驳：喜欢指责打压别人，让对方产生自我怀疑，然后再从侧面开始输入自己的观点和真实的目的。


为什么“跳针法”如此有效？


1）夺回控制权：沟通的本质是框架之争。跳针法让你牢牢守住“我是什么、我要什么”的框架，不被他人的“评价框架”或“情感框架”带跑。


2）切断情绪链条：别人拿捏你，通常是通过一个话语刺激来引发你的情绪化反应。跳针法让你从“灯”变为“开关”，你不用被别人掌控情绪，让对方的刺激失效。


3）降低心理损耗：你不需要绞尽脑汁去想完美的反驳理由，只需要像复读机一样重复。这能让你保持情绪稳定，内心毫无波澜。


4）树立不可侵犯的形象：一个边界清晰、情绪稳定、无法被带节奏的人，会自然而然地散发出“不好惹”的气场，从源头上减少被拿捏的尝试。

03


但其实在日常生活中，我们遇到的强控制者还是比较少的，遇到强势的人反而比较多，虽然对自己构不成太大的负面影响，但总是隐隐觉得被对方“摆布”，我们该如何面对“强势”沟通局面？


记住这5个原则：


1）你有权坚持自己的行为、想法和情感，并对产生的一切后果负责：强调个人对自己行为的主权和责任；


2）坚持你要做的，不必解释：不必为自己的选择向他人解释或辩解，只要自己认为正确即可；


3）帮不到别人，也不用内疚：不要因为无法满足他人的期望而感到内疚，每个人都有自己的局限；


4）你有权改变想法：人的想法是可以变化的，不必固守于过去的观念；


5）要与人交往，不要刻意讨好：与人交往是为了建立良好的关系，而不是为了取悦他人。

常有人说美国历史短，从1776年北美十三州独立到现在，不过两百多年。其实俄罗斯的国家形态也不长，1283年建立城邦性质的附庸莫斯科公国，距今七百多年；1480年摆脱蒙古人的统治，距今五百多年。

我们来看俄罗斯名称的演变历史：莫斯科公国、俄罗斯帝国、苏维埃俄国、苏联、俄罗斯。
【莫斯科公国】
1283年（元世祖元至元二十年），基辅罗斯分封的弗拉基米尔大公国，又分封出莫斯科公国。当时的莫斯科，只是诺夫哥罗德公国的边陲小镇，是依附于宗主国存在的城邦。好比西周分封了姬姓鲁国，鲁国内部又分封了若干公子，包括差点将鲁国折腾散架的三桓。基辅罗斯公国很多，弗拉基米尔大公国分封出的小国就有一大堆。

1328年（元泰定帝五年或致和元年或天顺帝元年或元文宗天历元年），蒙古人封伊凡一世为“弗拉基米尔大公”，莫斯科公国代理金帐汗国征收全罗斯的贡赋，势力范围不断扩张，但仍是依附宗主国存在的诸侯国。

图-亚历山大·涅夫斯基王子向拔都汗乞求怜悯
1480年（明宪宗成化十六年），金帐汗阿合马出兵进攻莫斯科公国，因盟友立陶宛大公的出卖，无果而终，莫斯科公国独立，摆脱了蒙古人的统治。
【俄罗斯帝国】
俄罗斯帝国又称沙皇俄国或沙俄，时间跨度是1721年－1917年，定都圣彼得堡，只有1728－1730这几年临时在莫斯科。

1547年（明世宗嘉靖二十六年），伊凡四世（伊凡雷帝）改大公称号为沙皇。
1721年（清圣祖康熙六十年），彼得一世（彼得大帝）改国号为俄罗斯帝国。

从15世纪到18世纪，莫斯科公国和沙皇俄国，先后兼并喀山汗国、阿斯特拉罕汗国、西伯利亚汗国、克里米亚汗国等蒙古系汗国，俄国人平推至楚科奇半岛，甚至进入黑龙江流域，若不是大清这个拦路虎，他们可能把蒙古高原也给吞了。

现在俄罗斯的不少领土，都是沙俄时期打下来的。西线沙俄与普鲁士瓜分波兰；南线占据克里米亚半岛，越过高加索山脉；东南逐渐控制中亚；东线与清朝、日本都发生战争，占据东北亚大片土地。

俄罗斯帝国与清朝先后签订中俄《瑷珲条约》《北京条约》《勘分西北界约记》《改订条约》等不平等条约，从清朝东北和西北割占大片领土。
1916年，俄罗斯帝国的领土面积约2280万平方千米。领土范围包括今天：俄罗斯、乌克兰、白俄罗斯、摩尔多瓦、高加索三国、中亚五国、波罗的海三国、芬兰等地。

【苏维埃俄国】
苏维埃俄国简称苏俄，时间跨度是1917年-1922年，首都从圣彼得堡迁至莫斯科。 

1917年，一战期间，沙俄爆发二月革命，尼古拉二世成为最后一位沙皇，苏俄取代俄罗斯帝国。
一战后，英国、法国、日本、波兰、美国等不满苏俄单方面退出对德战争，以及沙俄债务等问题，对苏俄进行了武装干涉。

苏俄战胜了外来力量，内部也稳定下来，但也付出了代价，失去了波罗的海三国和芬兰。
1922年，苏俄面积约2205万平方千米，领土范围包括今天：俄罗斯、乌克兰、白俄罗斯、摩尔多瓦、高加索三国、中亚五国等。
【苏联】
1922年，俄罗斯联邦、外高加索联邦、乌克兰、白俄罗斯成立苏联，后来陆续扩至15个加盟共和国，包括波罗的海三国，时间跨度是1922年-1991年。

二战后，苏联从德国获得东普鲁士北部（俄罗斯加里宁格勒），西部领土向波兰方向推进了两百多千米（主要分布在今白俄罗斯和乌克兰）。
苏联极盛时期，领土面积达约2240万平方千米，领土范围包括今天：俄罗斯、乌克兰、白俄罗斯、摩尔多瓦、高加索三国、中亚五国、波罗的海三国。
苏联覆盖地球陆地表面积六分之一，比美国与加拿大之和还大。苏联陆地横跨11个时区，东西约1万千米，南北近7200千米，陆地边界超过2万千米，与16个国家接壤。
苏联经济鼎盛是1975年，GDP总量约为美国的40.6%，后来逐渐被美国拉开距离，到1990年只剩12.7%。经济实力不行，或许是苏联解体的最大原因。军事上苏联和美国不相上下，陆军强于美国，海军不如美国，空军并驾齐驱，核弹头比美国还多。
1990年代初，苏联解体成15个国家，包括波罗的海三国：拉脱维亚、爱沙尼亚、立陶宛；中亚五国：哈萨克斯坦、乌兹别克斯坦、吉尔吉斯斯坦、塔吉克斯坦、土库曼斯坦；外高加索三国：阿塞拜疆、格鲁吉亚、亚美尼亚；东斯拉夫三国：乌克兰、白俄罗斯、俄罗斯；外加一个摩尔多瓦。
1991年，苏联解体的15国总人口2.87亿，美国人口2.57亿。
【俄罗斯】
1991年，苏联解体为15国，俄罗斯继承了苏联的国际地位和大部分领土。
俄罗斯面积约1709.82万平方千米，居世界第一位。俄罗斯横跨欧亚大陆，欧洲部分约400万平方千米，亚洲部分约1300万平方千米，东西最长约9000千米，南北最宽约4000千米。
俄罗斯人口1.46亿（2024年），俄罗斯族占77.7％，主要少数民族有鞑靼、乌克兰、巴什基尔、楚瓦什、车臣、亚美尼亚、阿瓦尔、摩尔多瓦、哈萨克、阿塞拜疆、白俄罗斯等，官方语言为俄罗斯语，居民主要信基督教分支东正教，其次为伊斯兰教。
俄罗斯首都莫斯科，地处东欧平原，在奥卡河和伏尔加河间的中俄罗斯高地，市中心纬度是北纬55°45′21″。莫斯科面积约2560平方千米，比起北京1.68万平方千米，还是小了点。但莫斯科常住人口约1230万，占到俄罗斯总人口1.46亿的约8.42%。我们北京虽然也是大都市，但占全国人口只有约1.55%。莫斯科在俄罗斯的人口和经济分量，大概相当于我们北上广深的总和。
总体上俄罗斯比中国人口密度小多了，但是莫斯科却非常拥挤，这个一个人口分布不均，高度集中在大城市的国家。