It didn't blow up, not suddenly. I myself, step by step, did everything to make it happen. And this feeling... is heavy. It's not anger, not rage, but a deep understanding that the reason lies within me.
You look at the chart, thinking: "I know where it will go, I've calculated everything." But instead of calmly waiting, you start to act. A larger shoulder (60x), attempts to "catch the movement", small entries, then averaging, then stops are removed... and in the end, the money goes away. Slowly but surely. It seems that the market is unfair. But in reality, the market is neutral. It simply takes from those who cannot wait, who cannot control themselves. In the end, it took from me once again.
Psychology is the toughest thing in trading. It's invisible, but you feel it every time. It's the fear that makes you enter early; it's the greed that pushes for more; it's the desire to 'be smarter than the market,' which always works against you. And you fight this every day, but almost never win.
I understand that if I could really think contrary to the obvious, if I could look at the crowd and do everything the opposite, then maybe I would already be at Elon's level😂. But for now, I can only do one thing: watch the chart, see that I am doing exactly the same as the majority, and give away the deposit piece by piece.
It's hard. Because every loss is not just money. It's your confidence, your discipline, your faith in yourself. Every step against yourself is a small wound in the psyche. And fighting this is almost impossible... You know what needs to be done, but emotions are ALWAYS stronger. Fear is stronger. Greed is stronger. And until you learn to control yourself, the deposit will keep going away, again and again.
So, in the end: trading is not about guessing the direction. It's survival. It's the ability to endure noise, not to give in to emotions, to stay in position long enough. And the sooner you accept this, the fewer losses there will be... And the later you start thinking contrary to the obvious, the more chances you have to turn experience into knowledge, and losses into lessons. I haven't managed to do that yet...
Yesterday I lost my deposit once again. But this is not the end. This is a lesson, yet another one. And learning to survive is something that cannot be learned any other way than through your own mistakes... But every time it becomes more and more exhausting...